Those Words shared by A Father That Helped Us when I became a New Parent

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of being a father.

Yet the actual experience quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You are not in a healthy space. You require some help. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger failure to communicate between men, who often internalise harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a respite - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he says. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I think my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."